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Lilly in fine form

 I don't really know where to start.  Perhaps that it was Scott's birthday on Saturday.  Or maybe that Tayler and I organised a few friends and some food and drink and the like, mixed thoroughly and sat back waiting for the party to happen.  Until someone added Lily to the mix.  And then the whole night was fucked.

Proper fucked.

Tracy and I had a few drinks, spent a few minutes outside with mary jane, and proceeded to enjoy our night.  The boys were having an equally good time, fuelled by a few boxes of beer, lavish party foods (read party pies & sausage rolls) and piss talk about boy stuff.

Then super bitch arrived.  And the games began.  Her main target was Tracy, but she wasn't too focussed in her attack and anyone who wandered into her firing line also came under attack.  For a few memorable moments my taste in music came under fire, because, get this "so you're saying - you don't like Bob Marley", and summoning what little wits I had at that time I responded with "Well I haven't listened to any of his music, so I'm not really able to say", (what I really said was "blrruugh ahhsguthhh not specifically grrhsfflbt bbfthggghts").  Someone, who was a lot sober-er than I gracefully jumped in and said - "Go look at her CD collection - she's got like 500 CDs and most of 'em I've never heard of, it's all alternative, Triple J, and stuff from overseas she gets off the internet".  Thankfully that quieted the raging beast for a few moments, because god damn it - if I could have raised myself from my chair I'd bitch slapped her into next week.

The hijinks continued with on again off again arguments with Tracy about death and dying, child care choices, babysitter choice, education choices for children, jobs, money - all sorts of stuff, most things coming from Lily began with "Only an idiot would.....whatever it is that Tracy does that needs to be ridiculed." 

Then it got time for Franco to take her home and shoot her, because she started talking pointedly to him in Spanish and (presumably) whining to him that she wanted to go home.

I fucking hate Lily.  Now more so than ever.  Lily if you are reading this - YOU ARE NOT WELCOME IN MY HOUSE, DO NOT COME BACK.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 31, 2005 15:32 | link | comments |

taxing...

I'm sort of hopeless at record keeping.  In fact I suck at it.  My tax is about 2 years behind, and the ATO is sending me threatening letters about going to court and large fines.  So I've decided the Easter break is the time to get it all ready for lodgement.

As you can see I'm really taking this resolution seriously.  Well, I sorted out my receipts, before taking yet another coffee break.  My study is a fucking mess, and Big Red peed on my receipt bag...which I suspect could come in handy if I get audited...I can't imagine an ATO suit eagerly diving into said bag once told about the unfortunate accident.  hahaha

Supposed to be getting ready for Scott's birthday tomorrow.

Tayler's got Missy Higgins on, I love Missy Higgins.  Dustin's going to do his amazing "Missy impersonation" tomorrow night for everyone.  He's got her down pat - accent, piano - everything...omg we're getting so old to be planning sing-a-longs at a party.  God that's so lame.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 25, 2005 14:12 | link | comments |

Watched...

I Huckabees

funny.  Scott snored on the couch while I tried not to laugh too loud.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 25, 2005 14:05 | link | comments |

Not happy Jan...

Muppy is in big trouble tonight.  Piss, puke and poop in the bedroom.  Scott staggered into bed after falling asleep on the couch, only to be confronted with the aforementioned deposits.  I was with Tayler and Dusty in Tayler's room, chatting and what not, and all we could hear was Scott muttering and stomping around.  Tayler went out to investigate and discovered Scott cleaning up after Muppy.  I kept away.  I just opened the bedroom door and Muppy has gone in to jump up on the bed and go to sleep and I heard a thud followed by "fuck off" - so even in his sleep Scott's still furious with the poor little critter.

Scott's birthday is on Saturday, and we are having a few people over.  I hope they all come, otherwise it's going to be a piss poor turnout.  So far everyone has given him music related gifts, and Tayler and I will be following this lead by presenting him with a hardcase for his guitar.  Big Woobie (RIP) pissed all over his gig bag he had for that guitar and he's been lusting after a hard case ever since.

I went to the hairdresser tonight - partially in preparation for Saturday night - but mostly because my hair was looking blah.  It's now glossy and shiny and deep violet black.  I took Original Blythe with me, to discuss a possible haircut - everyone was quite taken with her, which is good - because I don't want to pay for the haircut.

The kids drove me nuts today.  The Lion King is ruining these kids, everytime they put it on (and they know how to put it on, as soon as I leave the room they put it on) there's tears, and emotion, and it wrecks their day.  They are so moved by the film, but they don't know how to deal with the emotions, so they just get grumpy and teary and emotional all day.  I have banned the film, and they won't be watching it anymore.  I will also have to be diligent about the dvd player - it is not good enough that they work as a group (such amazing team work from 2 1/2 year olds) to put on a movie, distract me, and all play up if I insist that it be turned off.  Damn it, I'm the boss here!!!

It's late, but I'm not tired.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 25, 2005 00:55 | link | comments |

 I'm ebay addicted.  I can't stop myself obsessively scanning it, for ever more ridiculous items.  Last week turned up a dacshund for rent, and of course my daily rounds of Blythe related searches, there's always something to buy and I have to physically stop myself from clicking.  It's such a rush.

Woobie came home today safely interred, the plaque looks beautiful, but I don't want to put him outside, I'm not ready yet.  Smartie wanted to know what was in there, and when I said "Big Woobie", he thought for a second and said "Not outside?" and I said "No he's all gone, finished, like Simba's daddy", and the wise old sage, all of 2 1/2 years old said, "Aaah yes" gravely patted the box and said "Goodbye Big Woobie".  Sometimes I think that child is a thousand years old.

Tayler and Dustin are fighting at the moment, like arguing in his room, sort of softly, in stage whispers, but I can mostly hear them, even when I try to block them out.  It's not that interesting, same old same old.  I just hope they don't have one of those silent patches, I kind of like having Dusty around and am always sorry when he doesn't drop around.

Last day of the week tomorrow, Good Friday is a holiday and so is Easter Monday - so no kids until Tuesday.  That also means it's pay day.  I bet Blondie's mum tries to pay for four days instead of five.  I'm getting very good at being firm with parents now, I mean for fuck's sake they turned up this morning at 7:05am - uh hello? your contract says 7:30am...and I still lazing around in my jammies having a coffee and looking all bed hair and no bra at 7:05am - thank you very much.  So she will damn well pay for 5 days - which she has to, and I'm going to add an hour to her bill for being early.  Late I don't  mind, but don't come early, it's just uncivilised.

I ate waaayyy too much dinner.  It's the biggest dinner I've eaten in months and months.  But it was sooo good.  I cooked "Barbara's lamb chops", giant crispy skin baked potatoes and chopped spinach (from a box), this would have to be one of our most favourite dinners in the world.  It's comfort food, but it's also pig food.  The lamb chops are those big ones - usually called BBQ lamb chops, then you get seasoned stuffing mix - breadcrumbs and herbs and stuff, mix it with water, tomato sauce (ketchup), and a little oil until it's wet and sort of doughy, then you put a layer of it on top of the chops - about 2cm thick - it really doesn't matter how thick, just mould it to cover the entire top of the chop, but if it's too thin it just burns cos the chops take awhile to cook, then you just put the chops in the oven on as hot as it can go and take them out when the stuffing is cooked and brown. 

I make the crispy potatoes by cooking them whole in the microwave first (about 10min), just in a plastic bag with a little water. Once they're cooked, just put them on the bottom shelf in the oven (make sure oven is well pre-heated), and cook them for as long as the chops stay in.  Because the potatoes are partially cooked from the microwave, the oven works all its magic on the skins, and those fellas come out with a thick, crispy shell and the potato is like mash inside.  I find that "sebago" potatoes work best - but any of the floury potatoes will do.  Then I just get one of those boxes of frozen, chopped spinach and microwave it, once the chops are cooked and resting.  This lets them get all juicy and taste tender, and gives me time to get the potatoes ready.  Score the tops, expose the mash inside, salt pepper, butter, cheese and sourcream, then serve the chops and spinach.  Then eat yourself silly.  When we were poor students, and lamb chops were the cheapest meat around, we used to eat this meal about once a week.  Now I think it's been about a year since I cooked it last - would you believe it, I usually think it's too much trouble.

I go to bed now.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 23, 2005 23:28 | link | comments |

Tayler hasn't been home a lot lately.  It dawned on me today, and I have thought on and off whether I should read anything in to it. 

Big Woobie comes back to us tomorrow...he has been interred in a granite "box" type thing that we can put outside, it has a nice plaque on it.

Tomorrow is "Story Time" at the local library and I'm not sure whether I can be bothered to cart three kids, by bus, to the local shopping centre to endure an hour of "entertainment".  The kids like the idea of story time, they like travelling on the bus and playing on the giant floor cushions at the library, but the actual story time component of the outing bores them to tears.  Perhaps we'll sit at the back and if their attention wanders we can disappear early.

I am ovulating.  Discharge and temperature and yesterday's test point to it.  Scott was too tired to fuck, so we'll have a go tomorrow, but we might have missed it.  It's only 11:25pm now, and he went to bed at like 10pm, he got all tired and stressed because he had to sort through the mess in my study to find something of his.  He claims to be neat and organised, but he can never find anything.  If left alone I can always locate items, because I have a "system", even if it is messy and spread out, it's still a system. 

I booked the tickets for Sharon, Jim and I to go to Melbourne at the end of April.  QLD has a long weekend, so we're leaving Friday night and coming back Monday evening.  I'm looking forward to being about to show Sharon around Melbourne, to having lunch at Sophie's, dinner at Bala da Dhaba, a drink or two at Beat Lounge, wandering along Carlisle, Brunswick and Chapel Sts, going into the city and doing all the lane ways for coffee and stickybeaking.  I'm secretly looking forward to going to Chadstone as well.  It's been about 4 years since I've shopped there, and I'd like to just lose myself there for a morning.

I have to stop having a nanna nap during the day.  When the kids go for their sleep at about 1:30 --> 4pm, I usually tidy up the house, organise afternoon activities, and potter around, have some lunch and a coffee and then get a little drowsy...and before too long I'm flaked out on the couch having a nap.  The consequence of this is that I'm up wandering the house at all hours unable to sleep.  Like tonight.

I sort of think I'm in denial about the whole Polycystic Ovary Disease thing at the moment.  I've managed to convince myself, somehow that I'm suddenly fertile, and just need to be filled up with good sperm and 'hey presto' I'll be pregnant.  It's a little harsh on Scott, because in the process of doing this, I've manage to shift the "blame" for our baby-lessness entirely onto his shoulders.  But I feel like my body's such a mystery, things go on inside, things go on outside, and yet seemingly no advances are made.  The whole thing just does my head in.

Some days are better than others though.  Presently I'm coasting on the wave of denial, my days have been relatively happy and calm.  Yet when the hormones of hell kick in the begin my period, things will go downhill fast.  The downward spiral is awful, and lasts, on average, quite a few days.  Frequently I am beside myself with rage and hate for everyone close to me, mournful sorrow and pain for not being pregnant, and an inability to be civil to anyone.  It's a tough few days in the month, but I have to say that Scott and Tayler cope admirably with me, and never once have they retaliated.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 22, 2005 23:39 | link | comments (1) |

Reading too much into it?

Tayler's not in tonight.  In fact he's spent very little time here in the past week.  He's stayed over at Dustin's, Adam's and Colin's (???) and it's all happened very suddenly.  Then right in the middle of all this "out of the house" business he calls a house meeting to discuss whether he's outstayed his welcome or not.  I think he must have heard me or Scott and I bitching and moaning about him being here.  Like anything...sometimes you gotta let off a little steam, have a whinge and a whine, and then it all goes away, and it's all good again.

It only occurred to me while I was sitting down with my evening coffee that he might just be keeping away from home.  I'm not sure yet how I feel about it.

I spoke to the "Pets in Peace" people today, and they are delivering Big Woobie's ashes and his outdoor "resting place" thing on Wednesday.  I feel a lot better about everything now.  The whole Big Woobie thing was very sad, and protracted, but it's over now and we're all in a better place.

The kids and I took the bus to the shopping centre today to stock up on craft materials for "Easter crafts week", I will be getting them to make secular Easter related items like bunny ears, easter egg baskets (to collect their chocolate in), and paper easter bunnies.  The poor kids copped enough "Religious" easter celebrations at the puppet show the other day.  Lucky their ages and attention spans rendered them unaffected by it all.

I got my ovulation LH tests in the mail today, and the test I took confirmed my calculations and observations.  Temperature, dates and discharge all pointed to imminent ovulation, and the test confirmed it...my body should ovulate in the next 24-36 hours.  I was also having little twingey crampy things all day yesterday and today, which I suspect (hope) may be related to ovulation.

Scott will have his sperm tested again in three weeks, which will put me a week into my next cycle - perfect for continued monitoring and decisions about which sperm to use next month.

Blondie vomited all over me and the couch today.  He came running out of the playroom, rubbing his head and crying...then all of a sudden he vomited all over the couch, himslef and me.  Vile.  I honestly believe that there is nothing worse than the stench of vomit.  I did a search on Google to see if I could turn up anybody who got off on vomit, but unfortunately found nothing.

Given the state the couch is in now, it is likely that I will have to contact my insurance company about getting a new one.  Fabric couches are completely impractical when children are involved.  Leather would be better.  Little fuckers.

It's not that late tonight, but I feel tired.  The house is very quiet without Tayler here.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 21, 2005 23:25 | link | comments |

Scott's new car was on the agenda again today.  Fortunately for me, I was able to put off the car hunting until I'd had a decent breakfast at Bean Out.  By getting him to park the car in a location that meant I had to walk past Target, I was able to squeeze in a trip there as well.  I had been coveting a pair of Ugg Boots, that were on sale this week, and since I'd been looking at dozens of pairs, and they all looked mostly the same really, I decided that these would do.  Luckily he wasn't too fazed (I didn't question it) and I got the boots, quickly stashed some yummy microfibre jocks for his birthday among my purchases and wandered toward the checkouts.  Imagine my surprise when I saw him standing in line holding a 4 pack of pillowcases.  "Uh they're on sale, and these ones will match the chocolate brown sheets".  OMG Tayler has Queer Eye'd him.

We took the dogs with us on the car hunting expedition, and as usual Red Dog was running all over the back seat, climbing up to look out the window, and sliding around when Scott went around corners.  He talks and talks when he's in the car, this low rumbling growly chatter, it's funny. It's the same noise he uses when we're about to feed him, and he's all excited and anticipating something really good.  Muppy was all cool and calm, sleeping in the footwell behind the driver's seat.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 20, 2005 19:39 | link | comments |

The other night we had the "Should I stay or should I go?" house meeting.  We said it's ok, stay till September when you want to move out.  At the time, I was all for it, and was actually looking forward to having Tayler around for another six months.  Yet not a few days later, I sort of wish I'd said - go...you've outstayed your welcome.

It's not a natural state for me - to have someone else living in the house.  I need a lot of personal space, acres and acres sometimes.  Scott less so.  So it has been something of an experience having him living here, the experience has ranged from fantastic (live in dog sitter, Dustin, music collaborator, confidante and friend) to the not so fantastic (club poof, Adam, odd hours, questionable music taste, single song repeat, washing machine use), yet we've all got along ok.  That in itself has been a big learning curve for me, learning tolerance and acceptance, and understanding that not everything is in my control, and that there are times when biting your tongue is better for everybody.

Last night Dustin turned up late - after midnight.  Tayler had been playing the same song over and over, and considerable volume for several hours and I was tired.  Fortunately the arrival of Dustin put an end to the 'repeat' function on Tayler's stereo.  I finally dropped off to sleep at about 1:45am.  This morning, I went down to say hello, and got growled at for asking what time Dustin got in last night, and who was putting out their cigarettes in a plant pot outside.  I wasn't criticising...if I'd been allowed to continue I was about to say that the interesting arrangement of the butts was begining to look like a sculpture of an alien landscape...but I didn't get that far.

It's stuff like that that irritates me.  We also need the space. Tayler occupies the largest room in the house, and whilst he pays for it, and the money does come in handy, I wouldn't mind reclaiming the space and distributing some of our "stuff" a little better throughout the house.

We're, well actually, I'm a collector, some would say hoarder of things.  I collect interesting fabrics, Blythes, pens, books, all sorts of things.  I have boxes and boxes of stuff, spilling out all over the place.  Scott and I have compromised.  My 'collections' remain in the non-public areas of the house, and he maintains and keeps tidy the 'public' areas.  I don't mind this trade off.  However the non-public areas of our house are fairly small and cramped.  I can't leave anything on the floor lest one of the pets gets at it...Muppy likes to wee on anything that he hasn't seen before or has moved to a new position, Red Dog will sleep on (read flatten) anything left on the ground, and Zee will cover anything else left lying around in fur.  But I want to have some things out on display.  I want my Blythes to have room to move, I want to have space to hangup and display their clothes and shoes, I need a space to setup my sewing machine and to organise all my sewing stuff.  In short I practically need my own house just for me.

But we sort of need him in the short term.  He's promised to help Scott with the deck building project.  He's going to supply me with sperm for the baby-making project that is happening over the next few months, and for 99% of the time he's fun to have around, and I enjoy having him here. Of course these aren't the only reasons that I would like him to stay on, but like the cream of any crop the best always rise to the surface.

It's Sunday morning, at 10:30am, and Scott is still sleeping.  I'm hungry and resisting the urge to cook bacon.  I've been tracking my temperature this cycle, and based on my temperature indicators and 'discharge' (fuck that word is unpleasant, no matter what context) indicators, I looks like I'm just about to ovulate.  So far March has been a good month.

posted by: blytheswideshut at March 20, 2005 00:39 | link | comments |

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